How often do you hug your children? We all live busy, stressful lives and have endless concerns as parents, but it is clear that one of the most important things we need to do is to stop and give our kids a big loving squeeze. Research over the past decade highlights the link between affection in childhood and health and happiness in the future.
Importance of Affection
According to Child Trends – the leading nonprofit research organization in the United States focused on improving the lives and prospects of children, youth, and their families – science supports the idea that warmth and affection expressed by parents to their children results in life-long positive outcomes for those children.
Higher self-esteem, improved academic performance, better parent-child communication, and fewer psychological and behavior problems have been linked to this type of affection. On the other hand, children who do not have affectionate parents tend to have lower self esteem and to feel more alienated, hostile, aggressive, and anti-social. If your children are showing these signs, please seek professional help. See this article for further information: https://www.betterhelp.com/adv ice/psychologists/reasons-to-c hoose-an-online-psychiatrist/ .
There have been a number of recent studies that highlight the relationship between parental affection and children’s happiness and success.
- In 2010, researchers at Duke University Medical School found that babies with very affectionate and attentive mothers grow up to be happier, more resilient, and less anxious adults. About 500 people were followed from when they were infants until they were in their 30s, observing their mothers’ interactions with them as they took several developmental tests over the years. The adults whose mothers showed “extravagant” or “caressing” affection were much less likely than the others to feel stressed and anxious. They were also less likely to report hostility, distressing social interactions, and psychosomatic symptoms. The researchers concluded that the hormone oxytocin (a chemical in the brain released during times when a person feels love and connection) may be responsible for this effect.
- A 2013 study from UCLA found that unconditional love and affection from a parent can make children emotionally happier and less anxious because their brain actually changes as a result of the affection. On the other hand, the negative impact of childhood abuse and lack of affection impacts children both mentally and physically. This can lead to all kinds of health and emotional problems throughout their lives. What’s really fascinating is that scientists think parental affection can actually protect individuals against the harmful effects of childhood stress.
- Researchers have also studied the benefits of skin-to-skin contact for infants. This special interaction between mother and baby helps calm babies so they cry less and sleep more. It has also been shown to boost brain development. According to an article in Scientific American, children who lived in a deprived environment like an orphanage had higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol than those who lived with their parents.
- Finally, numerous studies on the effects of massage show the positive benefits it offers to reduce anxiety in children. Massage is also a good way for parents to connect to their children, both physically and emotionally. Starting in infancy, a parent can begin to massage their child, which can create a strong bond. Studies have shown children and adults who receive massage experience less anxiety during academic stress, hospital stays, and other stressful events.
How To Add More Affection To Your Family’s Day
From the moment you bring your baby home from the hospital, be sure to hold, touch, and rock them in your arms. Spend many precious moments caressing your baby so that their skin can touch your skin.
As they get older, be playful by doing fun activities like dancing together or creating silly games like pretending to be a hugging or kissing monster.
Set a reminder to make sure hugging is part of your daily routine. In the popular Trolls movie, the Trolls wore watches with alarm clocks that would go off every hour for hug time. If that’s what it takes, then set yourself an alarm. Or make sure to give your kids a hug during certain times of the day, such as before they leave for school, when they get home from school, and before bedtime.
Another interesting idea is to use affection while disciplining your child. As you talk to them about what they did wrong, put your hand on their shoulder and give them a hug at the end of the conversation to ensure them that, even if you are not pleased with their behavior, you still love them. If your children hit their sister or brother, hug them and explain how hugging feels better than hitting.
Finally, be careful not to go overboard and smother your kids. Respect their individual comfort level, and be aware that this will change as they go through different stages.
How do you add affection to your family’s day?
Very important! totally agree 😉
This is a great reminder. I love hugs! I kiss my daughter so much. She’s five and she is just starting to say, “okay okay mom!”
It’s so east to overlook how important “touch” is to all of us…especially our kids. Thank you for reminding me to consciously hug my kids every day.
I agree. Hugs and affection make all the difference in confidence and happiness for children. Thanks for sharing this important article.
like the post. Would have loved it if I saw the word ‘”father” somewhere
Really great point! Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I am thrilled that dads are also reading my articles and I will keep this in mind in the future. Thank you.
I’m always hugging and snuggling with my son. I know the day will come when he’s “too big” for it, so I’m eating it up. I do also always make sure to give him hugs and kisses after he gets in trouble so he knows I still love him, no matter what. It really is important that they feel loved during their early years.
Together my husband and I are raising 4 kids, and with each addition, we were concerned we weren’t going to be able to give them each their own individual love and affection. But as the years go on as parents we get better about it because we recognize the change in their behaviors and self-esteem when they’re cups are full! Such a good post!
This is so important! One thing that The Mister and I noticed recently is that a lot of parents don’t tuck their kids into bed anymore – hug, kiss, and an I love you. We have done it every night of our kids lives and just realized that not everybody does! We also use that time to talk with our kids about their day for a minute or just say/do something silly with them. There’s nothing better than putting kiddos to bed with a smile and love in their hearts 🙂
great post! it is super important to show your kids some affection and this way, they are also not shy about showing affection when they get older! ❤
Yes, yes, and yes!!! Even when they are bigger and don’t seem to want it they still need it!!!! Even if it’s just loving touch on their arm or back. Kids never truly outgrow genuine affection. They just go through phases where they are not sure what kind of affection is ok or normal. Our grown kids still want hugs!!!
I agree with a good of affection does help my sons self esteem.
Great post! Very informative and so important.